he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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