Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
