he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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