I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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