And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
