Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
