You really coming over, don't trick.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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