why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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