when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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