If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Less talking, more tequila
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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