I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
