chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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