Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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