I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
