we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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