you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
