This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
