There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
