Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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