You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
