Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
