So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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