i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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