So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
