im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
