She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
why is half of my head shaved?
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