I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
