I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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