I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
