he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
