i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
