Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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