My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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