I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
