I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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