I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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