and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
