it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.