Texts From Last Night

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  (989): View more from Michigan

  if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK

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  (989): if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK http://tfl.nu/niip
  Replies (2) Good night (807) Bad night (887)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha

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  (330): You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha http://tfl.nu/wuor
  Replies (21) Good night (3882) Bad night (735)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast

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  (615): Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast http://tfl.nu/lexd
  Replies (12) Good night (833) Bad night (2078)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer

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  (240): We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer http://tfl.nu/ersc
  Replies (69) Good night (5766) Bad night (1536)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..

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  (816): just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist.. http://tfl.nu/9c4j
  Replies (48) Good night (1183) Bad night (3854)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

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  (405): Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/ox2k
  Replies (13) Good night (794) Bad night (4354)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better

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  (513): Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better http://tfl.nu/bqq0
  Replies (7) Good night (894) Bad night (4522)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This gyro tastes like lonliness

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  (402): This gyro tastes like lonliness http://tfl.nu/d72i
  Replies (14) Good night (990) Bad night (4161)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?

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  (709): Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank? http://tfl.nu/b51n
  Replies (5) Good night (2254) Bad night (1025)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love

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  (336): as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love http://tfl.nu/xemn
  Replies (6) Good night (2700) Bad night (1054)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
  Replies (31) Good night (2801) Bad night (905)
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?

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  (714): I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what? http://tfl.nu/ezau
  Replies (7) Good night (1324) Bad night (635)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy

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  (763): I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy http://tfl.nu/fuzq
  Replies (2) Good night (1098) Bad night (452)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...

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  (970): you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants... http://tfl.nu/t3k2
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (517)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."

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  (716): I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good." http://tfl.nu/4xsm
  Replies (2) Good night (708) Bad night (243)

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