Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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