YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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