I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bring money and cleavage
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
