so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
