Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
