roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
