he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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