you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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