I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
