Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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