I didn't shave. On purpose
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
