i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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