Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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