turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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