what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
