So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
