ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
