you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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