he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
