you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
