I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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