Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
