They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
