he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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