my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
