I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
